MIlestones aplenty

Hi Malcolm. I haven't written in here for a while now, more than a year. That's not because little has occurred in that time, quite the contrary... more like too much is going on to think about this blog. Enough about the why not, let's focus on the why.

We've been together a year now and I couldn't be happier with you as a result of that bit of news I got so long ago now. You are developing just as you should, better than I could hope, and you have a personality unmatched by others your age. You make me laugh, smile, and glow everyday. I'm most surprised by how proud I am at your little quirks and daily performances. Any time you say hi and wave or make someone else laugh, I can't help but feel like a great father. You're almost walking, and while I dread it, because I know it will bring a lot of pain to you and drain to me, I truly look forward to this and all your new developments.

I haven't gotten, really, to the why for this post just yet. It's key here, because all the praise above doesn't come without a bit of struggle. I'm awake because you've decided to have a screaming fit at midnight, 3 hours after you went to bed, and my attempt at soothing you failed. I often don't fall back asleep after your nighttime fits for quite some time, so here's a useful way to fill that time... though, as you know, it's a rare occasion. Anyway, you aren't prone to these wake-ups too often, so I'll survive. I just want you to know someday that you burned me a little. It won't change the way I'll feel about you tomorrow, though, the impatience and frustration goes away immediately when I see you in the morning. That's another thing that surprised me.

Borrowed Earth.

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children. I will try to make it a bit better for when you are ready to collect.

Moment of Truth

Hello again. We're in the middle of summer, another scorcher. You're only a few weeks off now, the air is electric around here. Your grandparents showed up yesterday for your mothers third shower – bit of a surprise, they told me they couldn't make it because of Grandad's blood treatment. A trick they learned from me I might note. So they're here now, and the buzz is all about you. They've met your other Grandmother and Aunt Abigail, and will be spending a few days here before going to Maine. I hope you'll know all about our camp in Maine and will love it the way we do by the time you're reading this. Now that we have all our baby showers out of the way, it's time to get this home organized and prepared for your arrival. There's a lot of stuff, but none of it has any animation or use until you're here. I gotta say, I'm pretty excited to have you around, your mother is a bit nervous about delivery, but I think she'll find it a small price to pay for such a reward. See you soon.

Summer is near

And it brings you. I haven't written in a long time, not because I haven't thought of you – on the contrary – your mother and I are constantly wondering what you're doing in there. You seem to be gaining some strength by now, as there is quite a bit of activity from time to time. I look forward to the day you can wrestle me to the ground, though it's a ways off, kiddo. My work is up and down these days, I had a dry spell for a while and recently got some new business. My partner and I work on things all the time, but it seems as though very little bears fruit. I hope to get past this trend, we may take on a third partner to give us a boost. All the risk I take now is to build a solid income that requires little of me so I can focus on you as much as possible. ( and your siblings... )

We're thinking of new places to live, what will be ideal for you, etc. At least I know of one fruit that will be born.

Further Along

Right now you're developing the ability to hear, likely. We never stop developing, don't forget that, as it's easy to do so throughout life. From the onset of your genesis, I've made some discoveries about myself that explain years of angst, impatience, tolerance, service. I inherently lean towards all of these traits at one time or another. Every time I watch a war movie I feel a sense of envy. When I witness what in my opinion is inefficiency in human behavior when it affects others I lose patience. ( read: Morons inconveniencing a larger group out of inconsideration ) On the other hand, when I see a genuine struggle, or an honest human mistake, I find myself willing to tolerate more than I would normally think. ( my tolerance is maybe a bit more flawed than this ) Finally, I feel an overwhelming obligation to serve others when I feel they are in my care – and well.

I also have shown, in life, a tendency to start— talk about, drum up energy for, create a vision of —random plans to fix my world. Note the possessive in that statement, as it is my belief that the world and our world are separate ( you're in my world, making it our world ) – on that notion I will remark later. These traits, and my lifelong tendencies have all come from an inherent sense of purpose to lead a great fight. Be it a war for rights, to protect my people, to create a better place or tomorrow ... yadda yadda, but a war. Not a battle, not a skirmish, a giant, life-defining, glory making war.

I've learned that since you came about. I need a war. Perhaps it's in our Cesarean blood, maybe I learned it growing up ( more on nature / nurture later too ) but it's there, and until I find the right fight, I won't rest. Perhaps your arrival will change me further, and I'll make the discovery. Maybe I'll lose the will.

Word is out

It's been several weeks. As more time passes, the stress of contributing to this grows as I gather more content, more to share. The longer I wait, the heavier the burden of writing, I feel like I need more time and focus. This is the way I operate today. This is how I, and many of your family to come, live and have for a very long time. I've made it one of my goals to prevent you from turning into that kind of person – one that puts off everything until the last possible moment, or worse, until it's too late.

Enough about me, let me tell you what you're up to. About 15 weeks now, your mother and I are getting life sorted, making decisions, figuring out what to do when you arrive. Just about everyone knows at this point, some by Facebook – your mom called her friends to tell her. I probably still have some errant friends that aren't aware of you. Perhaps they'll find out that I have you when they meet you in person.

I've had so many thoughts as to what to say next time I wrote you, but now that I've practiced my MO, I can't think of much of it. I wish I could ask how you're doing.. I have to wait quite a while before we can talk. I'm very excited for that.

Word slowly spreads

It's been several days. I've been busy. That doesn't mean I haven't spent plenty of time thinking about you. I saw your picture last week, ultrasound we call it. You seemed pretty agitated at first, but quickly relaxed for the preview. Your mom and I went to Miami Beach over the weekend, told a couple more friends about your arrival. You're turning into big news for everyone. I don't think anyone knows how anxious I am to meet you and take care of you, but I assure you, I know. While we were in the southern part of the country, we pondered where you should grow up. Life certainly seems easier where the weather isn't such a bear on you for so long through the year. ( Right now, in Chicago, the temp is anywhere from 0 - 20˚F most of the time ) Though it seems life would include more advendture and richness if you were raised more north. My family is in Florida now, but it seems they'd all like to be somewhere else. We're all from New England, a place north and east in the country, and your mom and I think that might be a good choice for the beginning of your life – we'll see. I'm off now to make sure we can provide for you.